finding wonder in the mundane: foster parent confession time

I'm going to be honest here (am I ever not, when I'm writing?).

Teapot has been with us for 9 months and we don't want to adopt her.

Scott and I have had more than one discussion about how we must be heartless jerks for having bonded with a child for 9 months and STILL not wanting to adopt her. I know if you're reading this that the #1 comment you can't stand from people who are being very kind is, "I could never do that."

You know what? I could never do that, either. I could never love a child and send him or her back to his parents and a possibly volatile situation, either. But, really? REALLY? It's not about me. It's not about you, either, if you're completely honest. What it is about is the child, and believe it or not, even if the situation isn't YOUR ideal, that child wants to be home with mom or dad or granny or grampie and if that is a scenario that is workable or reachable, then we need to work toward that end.

I do think it's kind of funny that the accidental foster parent (what he calls himself) and I have only had two placements in the two years we have been fostering, and both of them have been 9 + months. The first one we would still have as a foster placement had we chosen not to adopt him (he's doing very well with his forever home, thank you for asking!), and the second is still waiting to go home.

Maybe this makes us good foster parents, that we don't want to adopt right now. The reasons?

1. Teapot has a family. We are her family right now, but she has a family that loves and adores her and we're waiting for paperwork to get done.

2. I'm tired, everyone. I'm tired! 4 kids is a lot of work. If someone tells you it isn't and they're home with them all day? They're lying, or the tv is on all day and they're checked out. Even then, it'd be tiring. You'd have to flip channels.

3. There is no 3.

4. I'm thinking of it...it'll come to me.

5. I think the first thing you have to remember is that the very first thing the state is looking to do is to return a child to his or her natural parents. So...that is the case plan at this point and no, we're not sad that we won't get to adopt her. We've forged a very special relationship with Teapot's relatives and have reason to believe we will get to see her in the future.

6. After Teapot leaves, it will be nice just caring for a toddler and Lucy and Asher for awhile.

7. I used to feel bad about it, but I don't any more. Foster care is complicated, and until you do it, you don't get that you CAN care for a child just the same as your other children and then let them go.

8. You COULD do it, I know you could. If you're a friend of mine, you could...because friends of mine are crazy. So...

why aren't you?

Source: http://pipsylou.blogspot.com/2013/01/foster-parent-confession-time.html

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